03 December 2015

Day 21

I think I've been feeling sad.

I used to want to get out of Guam so badly before, mainly because it was not home to me. Even when I was in college, I still felt the need to get off of this rock. Things have changed I guess after I started dating Dan and after I started working as a nurse.

I realized that I *quite possibly* make more money here and that I *quite possibly* make money easier here. I have learned to adapt to the life here after living for more than eight years here. I learned how to drive and I learned to love it. I love driving to the point where I hate public transportation. Although using public transportation is cheaper and is more environmentally friendly. However, I love the convenience and the safety driving provides me with. 

Quite frankly, I don't like using the subways in NYC. It's dirty. And I have seen videos of people actually vomiting and pooing in the subways. 

Tomorrow, I'm gonna be taking my car to the dealership to see how much they will price my car in case I sell it to them. I've been trying to sell my car since August. Now it's December and I still have my car. 

Life is so, so full of twists and turns. I'm trying not to question the universe for what's been happening with mine and my family's life. But sometimes I can't help but ask why. There are moments when I look back to the days when my mom would complain of severe headaches and her blood pressure would shoot up to 200's. I should've forced her to see a doctor rather than just attempting to convince her to see one. I wasn't pushy enough. We shouldn't have waited for her to go to Philippines to be seen by a doctor. I should've corrected her stupid mentality about death. I should've lectured her on the ill effects of not taking care of her health. I should've.. 

Prevention really is the best cure. 

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