07 November 2012

To: Self After Graduation

Dear Self After Graduation,

How are you now?

Today is November 7, 2012 on Guam - a day after we first voted; hours after Obama won the presidential election. I am typing this on the study table mom got us.

As of now, I have survived two rotations this semester - Community and School. Community Rotation was a lot of fun, if only I did not have to do a forty-five paged paper. School Rotation was also fun, if only I did not procrastinate and did my paperwork on time. Anyway, right now, I am in my second week of Psychiatry Rotation in the Adult Inpatient Unit (AIU). I guess I wrote this letter to tell you about what I have experienced in AIU so far.

Before I took Psych, I was scared of "crazy people." I am one of the many who stigmatized mental health patients. Heck. I even blamed them for being "crazy."

Right now, though, I could not maintain my boundary. As usual, my heart breaks when I hear sad stories - stories I never thought people would go through. So far, I have realized that the consumers (we call them consumers, not patients) have gone through experiences that I would probably not be able to handle myself. A lot of them feel alone, have low self-esteem, have been abandoned by their loved ones, and have been physically and sexually abused. It isn't their fault that they needed help.

I couldn't help but wonder if you're still crying for the consumers. Are you still? Well, just so you know, your current undergraduate self is crying. She needs to build up her boundaries again or she might just end up being admitted in the AIU herself.

I'm currently 22 by the way. Two years past our "graduation goal." And yes, I feel like senior year is dragging. But then again, I'm not sure right now if I'm actually ready to graduate, take the NCLEX, and work as a registered nurse. There's still so much I need to learn, but I know I won't be able to know everything even if I stay in college for one more year. But then again, I don't wanna stay in college for another year.

I hope you're okay, by the way. I hope everyone in the family will be able to attend our pinning and our graduation. I hope you're happy. And I hope you pass the NCLEX.


Your Undergraduate Self

PS: I think I should write to you more often.

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