11 July 2012

On Kafka

Since my trip to the Philippines was cancelled, I decided to take two summer classes just so I don't feel so bored. I love learning anyway, and the classes I'm taking are pretty interesting.

Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will.”  ~Vernon Howard

To those wondering, I'm taking a class on Women and Gender studies, and Literature. And oh how I missed reading stories and learning about various authors. Just the past weeks, I have learned about Franz Kafka and Raymond Carver. (I guess by now you can tell I'm having more fun with my Literature class than my Women and Gender class.) Both of the mentioned authors are pretty interesting. Although, between the two of them, I find myself more fascinated with Kafka's works. Raymond Carver is also a great author, mind you. It's just that I feel that I could relate more to Kafka.

From the Japanese short film adaptation of Ein Landarzt
(A Country Doctor) by Franz Kafka
So far, we've read a couple of short stories by Kafka such as: 1) A Country Doctor; 2) The Bridge; 3) A Hunger Artist; 4) A Knock at a Manor Gate; and 5) The Bucket Rider. All of the stories are full of symbolism. And I, who have very little knowledge of philosophy, could probably not understand the tales had I not been guided by the instructor. Poor me, I know.

Despite Kafka being a "difficult read," I still find myself quite, if not very, fascinated by his works. Most of them are dark, eerie, and do not end happily. I guess I have a taste for tales that are full of mystery and misery. I don't really know. Or maybe the reason I'm kind of obsessing about Kafka right now is because I still don't feel like I'm in the right path...

Nursing is a great profession, that I already know. But there are times when I just question myself if I am right for that great profession. Some people have what they call "a calling" anyway. Well, here I am, twenty-one years old, and had been trying to become a nurse for several years, and I still don't feel like I'm called to become a nurse. Wow. How pathetic.

Well... There was a time when I wanted to become a writer...

Or maybe I still want to become one. I'm not too sure. And maybe I'm bound to never be sure.

How does this apply to Kafka? Well, Kafka, according to my instructor, had always wanted to become a writer. And yes, as you see, he did become one. However, his family wanted him to follow another path. And yes, he also followed that other path. If my instructor was correct, and I'm fairly certain that he is, Kafka was a lawyer and a writer. How could a person with only one body do that? Well, as far as I have learned, he was able to perform as a lawyer and as a writer by doing sacrifices. And some of the sacrifices he made were giving up family, love, and sleep.

I wonder how it would have been if his family approved of his pursuit to become a writer. Well that, I could only imagine.

And now here I am imagining what my life would turn out after following what my family wanted me to be. Let's just hope all would turn out well.

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