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19 December 2011

On Cheating

Regardless of what the excuses are, somehow it is your fault that your partner cheated on you.


That is one of the first lines written on the article entitled, Is Cheating Ever Justified? (Click here for the full article.) Though it may not be true that you are the one at fault for your partner's infidelity, somehow, he puts the blame on you. And being the victim, you start thinking that he might be right... That maybe it really is your fault that your boyfriend cheated.


First of all, let me just make it clear that I am not being biased on this. I know women can cheat on their partners too. But for the purposes of this post, I have decided to make the cheater a male, because it is easier for me (a female) to blog it this way. I apologize for this, just in case you had been offended. Anyhow, if you had been offended, you can easily hit that back button or close this so as to not getting more offended.
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To save you some time before you read this entire rant of mine, the overall point that I am going to make with this post is that it is NEVER your fault that your partner cheated on you. Regardless of the circumstances, his shortcomings and the entire act of cheating are his fault and NOT yours. So avoid blaming yourself no matter what he says or does to make sure that you start believing that you are the reason for his infidelity.


Anyway...


After reading each and every line of the Yahoo! article, I felt something in me hurt. Like an old, closed wound starting to open again. It hurt. It stung. Just as how it did the first time I felt it.


Like most girls, my life is not perfect... And so is the record of my love life. Yes, been there, done that. 


Let's face it. Cheating happens.


Before I experienced it, I thought it only happened in movies and soap operas. Also, before I experienced it, I thought it was very easy to just get over it. I used to think: So what if that guy cheats on her? She can just leave him, get over it, and get herself another man who will make her happy. However, experience taught me that my thoughts about getting over a relationship was easier said than done.


Experience also taught me that personally being cheated on hurts more than just watching the heroine on soap operas being lied to by her husband... Even if the person who cheated on you was just your boyfriend and not your husband. And to add insult to injury, it hurts even more when it is the first time you got cheated on. And you know what hurts more than that? Being cheated on by your first boyfriend who was supposed to show you the wonders of being in a relationship for the first time. Wonderful. Shit does happen.


Anyhow, the article talked about the most used and abused excuses of cheaters. Perhaps, one of my favorites is this: "I never meant to hurt you."


Now that is one heck of a lie.


It is a very simple equation: When you cheat, you hurt your partner. You have completely disregarded his or her feelings, which means you have no respect for them in the first place. Still think your partner never meant to hurt you?


I do agree with the writer's take on the mentioned excuse of cheaters. Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. They were consciously deciding on cheating on you or not. They were also well aware of the consequences of their actions. But guess what? They chose to cheat on you. They chose to hurt you. They chose to lose your trust. So who's at fault at this: you or your partner? And people who have their common senses intact should know the right answer to that.


Another used and abused cheaters' excuse: "You are too good for me."


If that person knew in the first place that you are too good for him, then he should have never even bothered to ask you to be his girlfriend or wife, right? If he knew that you could do better, then he should at least do some effort to keep someone as good as you, instead of settling for something less. Why? Because settling for something less, when you know you have the best, is for losers.


Now that I had made my point a little clearer (right?), I just want to say that if you had been cheated on, do whatever makes you happy. I know it is easier said than done. But that is the first step to recovery. Oh dang. This reminded me of the punishment that I had inflicted on myself after I found out I was being cheated on. LOL. I know this sounds funny now, but back then, I did not know better. I stayed up all night, trying to ask myself what was wrong with me? And what am I lacking, am I not enough? I would love to say at this point that I learned the answers after wasting a night's worth of sleep (I literally stayed up ALL night thinking and crying. How pathetic.), but I did not. I remember having to go to work the next day with huge ugly eye bags and a very painful and heavy chest. Somehow, it was my chest that hurt the most at that time. Enough about that. Please do not copy what I did. Please.


Second, know that it is not your fault. The cheater chose to cheat, you did not ask or force him to do that. Even if you are the most beautiful and intelligent woman in the world, he would cheat on you.


Third, know that it will all come to pass. Maybe the pain will not go away or even subside today, tomorrow, or next month... But know for sure that somehow, someday you will get over it and be okay.


Lastly, prayers work. At least, it did for me. Whenever I felt like crying back then and start blaming myself for someone else's fault, I would close my eyes, clasp my hands together, and talk to Him. Remember, He is the only Man who would never cheat or lie to you. So talk to him, pour your heart out, and ask for His guidance. And remember, He would not put you through this pain if He knows you cannot handle it.


xoxo

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